To most men, “men’s work” means such things as going to a job and
achieving success, providing for a family, building a deck off the back of
the house and helping out in the community. We also have been taught
that the term “be a man” means to always have your guard up, don’t
show any emotions except anger, and never appear vulnerable.
This style of thinking has evolved over the years. Hollywood’s 50’s and
60’s tough guys have morphed into slightly more multi-dimensional
characters. But the core message remains: real men still don’t eat
Our society and culture often does not encourage men to ever stop
and feel; to look inside themselves and ask the questions:
What do I want?
Do my needs matter?
What is my purpose?
How can I feel empowered in my romantic
relationship and in my job?
This has resulted in generations of men out of touch with their
feelings and their power with no way to articulate why they are
frustrated and drifting through life.
One way for men to reconnect with themselves and increase their
focus is to form a regular meeting circle with other men. The size of
the group works well at anywhere from 5 to 16 men. The group should
be large enough to shift the focus off the individual but not too have
too many members thus prohibiting each man from getting to speak
In order for most men to be comfortable enough to discuss issues that
previously have been off limits, the right environment must be created.
One of the first ways to do this is to set up firm ground rules around how
the group interacts. Certain upfront agreements are crucial to building the
trust necessary to go to a deeper level of communication.
The first rule is no talking over, or cutting someone off, when they are
speaking. Notice how common this is the next time you are in a group
of men. It is the main form of communication in bars, golf courses and
workplaces. Its absence in a men’s group encourages a free flow of
authentic feelings to surface, which starts the process of reconnecting
to our power.
All men also must agree that all things talked about in the circle are
confidential. When this trust is established the men are much more likely
to go deeper into themselves.
Another aspect of a highly functioning men’s group is avoiding trying
to “fix” the person or his problem. Rather, evoke from him the truth
that he already knows but is feeling blocked from being able to do
anything about. This is done by asking questions or offering new
perspectives on the issue.
In time, these techniques create a supportive, non-judgmental setting.
It becomes a place where real breakthroughs can happen and men
can feel what they feel, know what they want, and reclaim their power.
And, if they want, they even can feel free to eat quiche.
Interested in checking out a Men’s Group? Visit http://blog.lifeleadersforum.com/rockland-mens-circle/